On days like yesterday I wish I could just sit nonchalantly in the back row of the auditorium filing my finger nails! I wish I could say "job done, that's it, best I can do, fini, finito, finished". And what if I could? Well we could possibly get away with it, after all it mostly seems to work.The 6 months of bashing this beast backwards and forwards between Olly,Phil,Owen,Ian and I means that the overall structure is pretty robust. At times like this however I often wish I could let go of caring about making it the best show I have ever made! But the thing is, that's about as likely as I am to win the London Marathon!
Making work like this forces all of us to put our heads on the line, to risk public and private failure, and to do so right in the glare of some who don't really think theatre and the arts in general should be supported or subsidised. So no pressure there then! Well actually I felt that pressure weighing down on me heavily yesterday.
The day was in fact an excellent one, just as it should be for a dress rehearsal. It did what it needed to do. Its excellent even though I would mark the first Dress as a 2/10. Most of Team Cinderella will possibly gasp at such judgement, thinking me the Director from Hell. That really doesn't bother me however (apart from their possible withdrawal of favours!).
What I find excruciating is the tantalising closeness of the show being born, but with me stuck in the final stages of a long and arduous labour. Most often when I direct plays, this moment of shift is something I experience acutely alone and can usually only share with Olly. But this time with the equal collaboration of him, Phil, Owen and Ian there really is nowhere big enough for all of us to hide! At the same time there is a comforting feeling that we are all in it together. If we fall, we all fall, and if we rise, we all rise!
The technical rehearsal days were so deliciously worker-like.The Production team taking over the lead and strutting their stuff, making all the elements sing together in concert. My hat goes off to them. As I wrote a few blogs ago these are the unsung heroes, without whom frankly the show would end up like a dog's dinner. The creative and realisation process of making theatre is a hugely collaborative one. There really are no stars (well sometimes there are names, and very talented names at that! particularly attractive to an audience) and yet the real stars I have worked with are humble enough to understand this. When it works, its like the clock I described in yesterday's blog, we need all the bits to be well oiled and in the right place for the clock to tick.
But here's the trick. I know from experience that all the emphasis on putting the bits together paradoxically and momentarily eclipses the actors. The original creativity and the crafting of character, meaning and emotion long left behind in the cosiness of the Malthouse rehearsal studios, the actors are set adrift for this short time.
As an actor myself originally, I get this. You can't always put words to it, but in my personal experience it is like all the glitter disappears over night, and the thing you thought was the best and most wonderful work you have ever made seems to slip between your fingers like sand. Its just plain human, we all have feet of clay!
It is seriously uncomfortable, but hey get over it!
The actors creative time returns fully over the next two days. And God willing if we have got the timing on this right, then the magic will return and the actors will soar again! All sounds a bit indulgent doesn't it? Well I promise it isn't! It's just the hard core part of making something new. Painful yes but not really any different from building a church or a family!
So,whimsical ramblings now over for today. I hear you say "For goodness sake Carole, its only a panto, get over it too!" and of course that's true, its only a panto. I'll get over it.
I think in our own ways quite a few of us had a crisis of confidence yesterday. What if this show is really terrible? Well I secretly suspect that Arc would be hounded out of town and the rest of Team CInderella might just not put it on their CVs. But hey ho - life's an adventure!
The bit I found toughest last night though, was not the actors, the Production or Creative teams, but the little and not so little ones from our beautiful Youth Chorus One. Telling them that their performance was truly dreadful and scored a miserly 2/10 was tough.
I have to commend Owen here. As usual he was a brick. Owen uses his mix of humour and directness and the kids just get it. Phil got just a little bit stroppy with them too when a couple of them said "But its only a rehearsal", but as he followed that with a disarmingly sweet smile to them, I think they knew he wasn't about to walk out! The kids can be forgiven for not always understanding the process. We have to remember that some of them are only eight, and it was after all only their first full run through! I had asked MJ to ask them all to bring a pen and paper to notes. I have to say it was a special moment to look down from the edge of the stage to these tired and beautiful children paper and pen in hand, with earnest and worried expressions ready to take it on the chin.
Owen asked how they felt the dress rehearsal had gone, and these lovely little faces looked a bit crumpled up. Gabby was the first to say it as it was and the others took their lead from her. She was startlingly honest which meant we could be real with them and validate them as young artists too.
I really felt for them. All the hard work for the past 2 months seemed to disappear and they looked like it was a first rehearsal! But they wrote their notes dutifully. Peeking at some of their handwriting I had to remember that some of these are very small children. But you know they are also tough and they can take it!
My overall feeling was that they, like the Principals had momentarily lost touch with the fun and imagination of telling the story of CInderella. In an attempt to recapture some of this very quickly as MJ was giving me the nod that there were only a few minutes left, I said I had something I wanted them to do for me that was sure to work. I gave them one small bit of homework to do before they went to sleep.To draw a picture of their character as they see them and to include all the things that they feel about them, and to write words all around them that describe their character.And then the magic bit, I told them to put their pictures under their pillows until the morning. I said I was sure that the picture would do its work overnight, and when they get up this morning they will notice that all their character has come back! So ...... we wait with bated breath.
I hope Henrietta Mouse Mummy and Freya don't mind, but I can't resist showing you her drawing posted on our private Facebook group. It made me both smile and shed a little tear! (but then I did come over all tired, stroppy and emotional myself yesterday!)
This is Freya's picture!
Back tomorrow - one way or another it will be a different story!
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